The 5th Anniversary of our Civil Partnership - some reflections

Ok - I know this is a blog, and not a sermon posting service - 

but this was a bit special, so I felt I wanted to share it more widely. So here it is. 

Sermon at Lancaster Priory - 15 April 2012

Second Sunday of Easter

At the end of our Easter Sunday morning service last week, I found myself saying to myself: 'What a privilege it is to be here.' and then I found myself saying it to others, too: 'What a privilege it is to be here.' To have spent Holy Week with a goodly number of fellow-travellers, walking the Way of the Cross, deftly and expertly guided by Andrew Knowles, our visiting preacher for Holy Week, to have our worship uplifted by the glorious music provided by our gifted team of musicians, and to recreate the Via Dolorosa with the beautiful imagery in our new Stations of the Cross, so lovingly worked by our talented Sanctuary Guild: What a privilege it is to be here. To spend some time with Christians of other traditions and denominations on Good Friday, and again at Dawn, here outside the Priory. What a privilege! And the climax of it all, our Festal Easter Celebration, attended by 350 or so worshippers, gathered to celebrate our Lord's Resurrection. What a privilege. To share, in the days of Easter, the Holy Communion with people who need full time care in their own home, or in a nursing, or residential home. What a privilege!

And it is not just the Big Occasions when it is a privilege to be here. To mark life's milestones with God's people is always a rare privilege. And this past week has seen two funerals, two weddings, and later on this morning we will welcome today, through the gift of baptism, more young members of the Lord's Family. 

To be welcomed into a family to hear the story of a life well lived - or to seek to heal the memories which bear the scars of a life many would see as a failure: What a privilege. Or to be invited to share in a special day when we celebrate God's gift of love to the world in a Marriage service. What a privilege.

But let's not spend too much time congratulating ourselves, for we need also to remember that there are many things we could do a lot better. God's Church has no space for complacency. Is there more we can do to be more welcoming to others? Is there more we could do to see better provision of the pastoral care of God's people in this place, our flock, so that our Christian care and concern is more Christ-like, after the manner of Christ, the Good Shepherd? 

We have all, I am sure, been on the receiving end of pastoral care, and know how important it is when planning the funeral for a family member, or when organising a wedding!

If you have seen the inside of the Service Sheet, you will have seen that David and I have been celebrating the 5th anniversary of our Civil Partnership this week. That day, which for me (David can speak for himself) was the most deliriously happy day of my life. A day which, when I was growing up, would have been thought impossible, but which became a reality on a wonderfully sunny day in Essex just five years ago. We were surrounded by family and friends: sadly some are no longer with us, including David's mum, but we were thrilled she could rejoice with us on our special day, along with another 200 or so of our closest friends and colleagues. 

But there was sadness, too. On the Friday after Easter Day, yes it was Friday, 13th April - we gathered at Chelmsford Register Office, where (bless her) the Registrar did a lovely job of the civil ceremony. But, of course, we could not have a hymn, or a Bible Reading, or a prayer. And that made me sad beyond measure. A good friend did (secretly, for fear of her churchwardens) say a prayer with us in our home, and we were immensely grateful to her for that. 

And then on the Saturday - ah the Saturday, we gathered in a large barn in the middle of nowhere for a Eucharist of Thanksgiving. We could not do this in my church at the time, the Cathedral - too controversial. Some of the guests, many senior clergy among them, would have had their judgement called into question in public, for their having attended a private celebration. It was quite a simple affair: the diocesan bishop presided and preached, a choir from Cambridge sang the Palestrina Missa Brevis, and some beautiful music was sung and played. And God was there with us and we prayed, sang, and wept together. We had written to our guests asking that they kept all the details secret - to protect the participants, and some said it made them feel, for the first time what it was like for the first Christians, under Roman persecution, or Christians in some parts of the old where people are still persecuted for their faith. 'Welcome to my world', I felt like saying. 

So yes, this is something the Church in general could do better. Offering prayers and blessings for those who wish to make a lifelong covenant of love and faithfulness would be a good start. There are people out there, in this country, and in an even more pronounced way, in Africa and in Eastern Europe, in the Middle East, who would wish to insult, abuse, attack, and even kill people like me. I've been told that God hates me - and even though I know that God loves me, such deliberate, venomous invective can bring unbearable pain on more vulnerable individuals. Which is why so many young teens take their own life: they would rather die than face a lifetime of being told that they are worthless, and that God, the Church, and even their own mother - hates them.

The Church must never - ever - collude with hatred, and it must never keep silence when faced with such an offence to human dignity. Its job is to stand with victims of hatred, and as Christ knew what it was to suffer unjustly at the hands of wicked men, he is indeed there with all who are victimised through gender, ethnicity, faith, or sexuality. 

But it can never be enough just to have no violence, for as true Peace is more than the mere absence of war, so also a mere absence of violence is not abundant life, which is what Christ longs to give his people. To stand alongside, and to affirm those who would seek to make a lifelong Covenant of love and faithfulness in a church context would not undermine the institution of marriage, but it would strengthen, affirm, and bless the individuals who wished to make those vows in the presence of God and his people. It's not much, at all, in fact. But it would be a start. 

And that is why the Priory PCC voted - by a majority of its members - to stand alongside those who would wish to have their partnership blessed in church. No-one will ever be forced to act against their conscience, no one will be forced to attend such a ceremony, but those who do attend such ceremonies may indeed, as our guests some 5 years ago, discover that indeed, "Where there is true love and charity, there God is."

Amen

Civil Partnerships, Same-sex weddings, and the Church

Much has been said in recent days concerning the Coalition Government’s plans to legalise same-sex marriage. Church leaders have been among the first to speak out to condemn the plans (often in quite inflammatory language), while those who are part of the various lobbying groups have defended the Government’s plans as a legitimate development of the worldwide human rights agenda. Various countries around the world have now legislated in favour of same sex marriage. The marriage of two men or two women is now legal in twelve countries: (in chronological order of the passed legislation) The Netherlands, Belgium, Spain, Canada, South Africa, Norway, Sweden, Portugal, Iceland, Argentina, and Nepal, as well as 8 (and rising) states of the USA. The world has not come to an end, and those countries have not been ‘shamed’ by the rest of the world.

The decisions were not easily taken in any of these countries. In strongly Catholic Belgium and Spain, the church leaders did all they could to mobilize opposition to the planned legislation, though without success. The responses of churches in these countries have varied from outright opposition to willing compliance with the legislation. Churches in Iceland and Scandinavia led the way in developing liturgies for same-sex marriages, followed by some Canadian and American dioceses. Many other countries have other legislation in place giving equal legal rights to same-sex couples, including most of the countries of the European Union.

The situation in England is complicated by the unique relationship between Church and State, as Church of England clergy manage the legal formalities of marriage through the ancient tradition of ‘calling of banns’ and issue marriage certificates to those married in churches. When Civil Partnerships were introduced in the UK in 2004, it was made clear that these could only be ‘formed’ by registrars in secular venues, and the same rules applied as for civil marriages, namely that no religious poetry, music, or prayer could have any part in this entirely secular ceremony. Church authorities decreed that no churches would be permitted to offer a service of blessing to those who had formed such Civil Partnerships, and no official liturgies have been drawn up for these occasions (although there do exist some unauthorised liturgies).

There are, significantly three major differences between “Marriage” and “Civil Partnership” as the law currently stands. First, a Marriage can take place in either a secular or a religious context: the choice is up to the couple, whereas a Civil Partnership can only exist in secular form, the couple have no choice in the matter. It is not possible at any stage of the formation of a Civil Partnership to have a reading from the Bible or any other religious text, a prayer, hymn, or sacred music, however much that may be desired by the couple. Second, there is the presumption of a sexual relationship between husband and wife following a marriage. This is enshrined in law, as non-consummation of a marriage constitutes grounds for divorce. There is no such presumption for a Civil Partnership. Third, an incumbent has a legal right to refuse to conduct a marriage if either bride or groom has been divorced. The incumbent has no such right if either party has been in a civil partnership which has been dissolved. Being in a Civil Partnership which has not been dissolved is, of course, a legal impediment to being married.

A proposal which is not yet on the table for discussion (but should be?) could be that the option of a Civil Partnership (secular or religious) should be open to all couples who seek the legal security of partnership without the commitment to having a family, whilst Marriage (secular or religious) be open to all couples who do wish to found a family.

However, the situation we have at the moment does create a serious injustice, in that any Church of England clergy who may wish to minister to parishioners who would dearly love to come to church to make vows to each other before God and to have their union blessed, are not permitted to do so if the couple happen to be two men or two women.  There is not even provision for them to come to church after a Civil Partnership ceremony to seek God’s blessing on their relationship. This seems to be a heavy-handed and cruel stance which the National Institutions of the Church of England have taken. Mercifully, many clergy are prepared to act responsibly and are happy to provide some measure of pastoral support, and pray with couples in such circumstances, though this still falls far short of what is being asked for. Of course, there will be no compulsion on clergy or PCCs to host such services of blessing. The situation would be the same as when divorced persons come to church seeking to be married according to the rites and ceremonies of the Church of England, namely the incumbent of the parish has the right to decide whether or not to solemnize such marriages.  

When the Government made it possible for Civil Partnerships to be formed on religious premises, a spokesman, claiming to speak on behalf of the Church of England, said that this would never happen in England’s parish churches. This is a statement which many would wish to challenge through the synodical process. It would seem perfectly legitimate for the Church to be pastorally involved with a couple seeking to mark their loving commitment to each other by exchanging vows to each other in a civil partnership within a church context, and I hope that the Church of England will change its mind on this issue. If we fail to do so, we will indeed be negligent in our duty of pastoral care to those of our parishioners who are in committed, loving, and stable same-sex relationships by withholding God’s blessing from them. 

Lancaster Priory PCC will shortly be discussion a resolution which has already been passed by many churches across the country, namely: 'This PCC believes that we should be able to register Civil Partnerships and urges the Church of England to take the necessary steps to enable successful applications to the registrar.' This is a legitimate part of the church’s decision-making process, and if the PCC passes this resolution at our next meeting, we would be encouraging wider discussion of this proposal in the synods of the Church of England, in the hope that we may encourage a change on the regulations by which we are bound, so that we may we seen as a Church which is as affirming, welcoming, and affirming to the LGBT community, their families, friends, and supporters – as we are to those of God’s people who are already being affirmed by the Church’s ministry to couples coming to be married in our churches. 

Chris Newlands

8 March 2012